When Shared Purpose Helps a Young Adult Flourish

We often imagine flourishing as an individual achievement.

We picture someone setting a goal, working hard, overcoming obstacles, and eventually arriving at a long-awaited destination.

But flourishing is also relational.

It is cultivated over many years by people who keep believing, advocating, adapting, and returning to a shared purpose—even when the path is difficult or the family does not look the way it once did.

Recently, my daughter’s father and I helped our oldest daughter begin college.

I will not share where she attends. That part of the story belongs to her. But I can share what the moment represented for our family.

Her father and I have been apart for over 15 years. Like many parents raising a family across two homes, we have experienced the realities of co-parenting through different seasons, circumstances, and challenges.

Our relationship changed.

Our shared purpose did not.

At the center was our daughter and a commitment to helping her become the person she was capable of becoming.

A journey others could not always see

Our daughter is a unique learner. Her path has required perseverance, advocacy, adaptation, and a willingness to continue when progress did not always unfold in the way others might expect.

There were challenges most people never saw.

There were undoubtedly moments when the distance between where she was and where she hoped to be felt especially wide. Progress required more than effort from her. It also required environments that could recognize how she learns, people willing to listen, and adults prepared to advocate while allowing her own voice and independence to grow.

Over time, the goal was never merely to help her complete an assignment, pass a class, or reach the next educational milestone.

The deeper goal was to help her experience herself as capable.

To know that learning differently does not mean being less capable.

To feel that she belonged.

To develop the confidence to make decisions, navigate challenges, and gradually take ownership of her future.

And then came college move-in day.

The boxes, bags, schedules, and goodbyes may have looked like those of countless other families. But we knew how much life was contained within that moment.

This was not simply an arrival on a college campus.

It was the fulfillment of a goal that had once felt uncertain.

It was evidence of her courage.

It was growing independence made visible.

It was a young woman stepping into a future she had worked extraordinarily hard to reach.

Flourishing is more than an outcome

Human flourishing is often described as a state in which the different dimensions of a person’s life are good—including health, happiness, relationships, character, meaning, and purpose. Yet, flourishing should not be mistaken for a life without adversity. It is not perfection, constant happiness, or achievement according to someone else’s timetable.

Flourishing is the opportunity to develop, participate, belong, contribute, and become.

Research on human motivation helps us understand why supportive relationships and environments matter so deeply. Self-determination theory identifies autonomy, competence, and relatedness as basic psychological needs that support well-being and healthy development.

In everyday language, people need opportunities to experience:

• Autonomy: My voice and choices matter.
• Competence: I am capable of learning, growing, and meeting challenges.
• Relatedness: I am known, supported, and connected to others.

As parents, we could not complete our daughter’s journey for her. Nor should we have.

What we could do was help create conditions that supported her ability to complete it herself.

That meant believing in her capacity before every outcome was known. It meant advocating for the way she uniquely learns. It meant adjusting our support as her independence grew. And it meant continuing to return to a purpose larger than whatever differences or difficulties may have existed between two adults.

Family resilience does not require a family to remain unchanged. It reflects a family’s ability to adapt, find meaning, stay connected to what matters, and move through challenges with hope and resourcefulness.

For co-parents, shared purpose can become an anchor.

It does not erase the reasons a relationship ended. It does not require agreement about everything, nor does it make every decision or season easy.

It simply asks an essential question:

What does this young adult need from us in order to continue growing?

That question can redirect attention from what separates two adults toward the life they are still helping shape together.

A dream come true

After move-in, I received a text from my 75-year-old mother:

“A dream come true. I’m so proud.”

Her words reminded me that this milestone extended beyond one student and one day.

It held the hopes of a grandmother who had watched the journey unfold.

It held the efforts of parents who continued showing up.

It held the contributions of educators, family members, and others who helped our daughter recognize what was possible.

Most importantly, it held the perseverance of a young woman who kept becoming.

This is the relational nature of flourishing. An achievement may belong to one person, but surrounding it is often a community of people who helped protect hope, nurture capability, and create the conditions in which possibility could grow.

Our daughter earned this moment.

Her father and I simply had the privilege of standing near enough to witness it.

Do you recognize your family here?

Flourishing rarely happens alone. It is often nurtured quietly over time through the presence, choices, and commitment of people who continue to believe—even when the path is difficult or uncertain.

Perhaps your family’s journey has included:

• Shared purpose despite separation, change, or difficult circumstances
• An unwavering belief in a young adult’s capacity—even when progress unfolded differently than expected
• Advocacy for the way a young adult uniquely learns, communicates, or experiences the world
• Perseverance through challenges that others may never have seen
• The intentional creation of belonging, capability, and growing independence
• The fulfillment of a goal that once felt uncertain or far away
• The love of grandparents, relatives, educators, mentors, or others who helped carry the hope
• A moment when you paused and realized, We made it here together

If you recognize your family in even one of these statements, you may already understand something essential about human flourishing: it is not always a dramatic transformation.

Sometimes it is the result of years of believing, advocating, adapting, and returning to a shared purpose.

The achievement belongs to the young adult who worked so hard to reach it. But surrounding that achievement is often a community of people who helped create the conditions in which possibility could grow.

“Sometimes flourishing is not found in the absence of difficulty. It is revealed in the moment we recognize what years of shared purpose, perseverance, and belief have made possible.”—Sheri L. Testani

Because flourishing does not happen by accident. It happens by design.™

The science behind the reflection

Human flourishing encompasses multiple dimensions of life, including health, happiness, meaning, purpose, character, and close social relationships. Family resilience research also emphasizes the importance of shared belief systems, flexibility, communication, and meaning-making as families adapt to significant challenges. Self-determination theory identifies autonomy, competence, and relatedness as essential psychological needs supporting well-being and healthy development.

References

1. Ryan, R. M., & Deci, E. L. (2019). Brick by brick: The origins, development, and future of self-determination theory. In A. J. Elliot (Ed.), Advances in Motivation Science (Vol. 6, pp. 111–156). Elsevier. Self-Determination Theory
2. VanderWeele, T. J. (2017). On the promotion of human flourishing. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 114(31), 8148–8156. PubMed Central
3. Walsh, F. (2003). Family resilience: A framework for clinical practice. Family Process, 42(1), 1–18. PubMed